For separated families, Christmas can be a particularly emotional time. Both parents may understandably want to spend important moments with their children, and long-standing family traditions can make decisions about where children spend Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day feel especially significant.
Agreeing child contact over Christmas can therefore be challenging. Even where parents usually communicate well, the festive period can create additional pressure because of school holidays, work commitments, travel plans and wider family arrangements.
There is no single Christmas arrangement that will suit every family. Some parents alternate Christmas each year, while others divide Christmas Day or agree that the children will spend Christmas Day with one parent and Boxing Day with the other. Whatever arrangement is considered, the most important point is that the children's needs and wellbeing remain at the centre of the discussion.
Starting conversations early, considering the practicalities and maintaining clear communication can help parents make arrangements that allow their children to enjoy the festive season with as little conflict as possible. Early planning can also give parents more time to consider practical issues and reach child-focused solutions before Christmas approaches.
How Does Child Contact Over Christmas Work?
There is no standard arrangement that determines how child contact over Christmas must be divided between separated parents.
Every family is different, and arrangements will depend on factors such as the children's ages, where each parent lives, existing contact arrangements and the family's Christmas traditions.
Common child arrangements may include:
- alternating Christmas Eve and Christmas Day each year
- spending Christmas Day with one parent and Boxing Day with the other
- dividing Christmas Day between both parents
- sharing the school Christmas holidays equally
- agreeing longer periods with each parent where significant travel is involved
For some families, alternating Christmas Day from one year to the next can provide a clear and predictable arrangement.
What appears equal in terms of hours or days will not necessarily be the best arrangement for the children. For example, dividing Christmas Day exactly in half may sound fair to both parents but could result in children spending a large part of the day travelling between homes.
The aim should be to find a practical arrangement that allows the children to enjoy Christmas rather than feeling that they are being moved between competing celebrations.
Parents who already have established child contact arrangements in Scotland may also need to consider how the festive period fits alongside their usual contact routines.
Putting Children First When Arranging Child Contact Over Christmas
It can be difficult to separate the needs of the children from the feelings of the adults involved.
Parents may understandably feel strongly about spending Christmas morning with their children or maintaining particular family traditions. Grandparents and other family members may also have expectations about seeing the children over the festive period.
However, decisions about child contact over Christmas should remain focused on what works best for the children.
In Scotland, when a court is asked to make decisions concerning matters such as contact, the welfare of the child is the paramount consideration.
That principle also applies when parents are trying to reach Christmas arrangements themselves and can help encourage child-focused solutions.
Parents may find it helpful to ask questions such as:
- Will the arrangement allow the children to enjoy Christmas without unnecessary travelling?
- Will they have meaningful time with both sides of their family?
- Does the arrangement work with their normal routine?
- Are the children's own views relevant, taking account of their age and maturity
- Will the arrangement expose them to conflict or difficult handovers?
Children should not be made to feel that they have to choose between their parents. Where their views are considered, this should be done carefully and in a way that does not place responsibility for the final decision on them.
When Should Separated Parents Discuss Christmas Drrangements?
As early as possible.
Leaving discussions about Christmas arrangements for separated parents until December can place everyone under unnecessary pressure.
By that stage, parents may already have made plans with extended family, arranged time away from work or booked travel.
Starting discussions earlier gives parents more opportunity to explore different options and resolve any areas of disagreement. This early planning can be particularly useful where complex travel logistics are involved.
It can also give children greater certainty. Once arrangements have been agreed, parents can explain clearly where the children will be staying and what Christmas will look like.
This can be particularly important where children are anxious about changes following a separation.
Once arrangements are agreed, it may be helpful to record the practical details in writing so that both parents have the same understanding of what has been decided. Some parents may choose to include these arrangements within a written Parenting Plan.
Practical Issues to Consider When Arranging Christmas Contact
A workable arrangement needs to consider more than simply which parent has the children on Christmas Day.
Parents should also think about matters such as:
- handover times
- who will be responsible for transport
- travel logistics and distances
- work commitments
- children's bedtimes and routines
- time with grandparents and extended family
- the full length of the school holidays
- Christmas Eve and Boxing Day arrangements
- New Year arrangements
- video or phone calls with the other parent
Where parents live some distance apart, holiday contact arrangements in Scotland may involve longer periods with each parent rather than frequent handovers.
Taking these practical issues into account early can help avoid misunderstandings later and make it easier to establish a workable holiday schedule.
What Happens If Parents Cannot Agree Child Contact Over Christmas?
Sometimes parents are unable to reach an agreement themselves.
If this happens, there are several possible ways of trying to resolve matters. Court proceedings are not necessarily the first or only option, and where possible it will often be preferable for parents to find a solution without litigation.
Understanding the available legal options can help parents decide what form of legal support may be appropriate for their circumstances.
Negotiating Through Solicitors
A family law solicitor can help parents understand the legal position and assist with negotiations.
This may be particularly useful where communication has become difficult or where parents have very different views about what should happen.
A solicitor may correspond with the other parent or their solicitor with the aim of reaching a practical agreement. These solicitor negotiations can sometimes help resolve matters without the need for court involvement.
Family Mediation and Child Contact In Scotland
Family mediation for child contact in Scotland may also help some separated parents reach agreement.
A mediator is independent and does not decide which parent is right or determine what the arrangements should be.
Instead, mediation provides a structured setting in which parents can discuss their concerns, explore possible solutions and try to reach an agreement themselves.
Family mediators can support constructive discussions about matters such as Christmas contact schedules, handovers and other holiday arrangements.
Mediation will not be suitable in every case, so parents should consider whether it is appropriate for their circumstances, particularly where there are welfare concerns.
Court Proceedings
If an agreement cannot be reached, it may sometimes be necessary to ask the court to determine arrangements.
A court can make orders about the residence and contact arrangements for a child over Christmas.
In deciding these matters, the child's welfare is the court's paramount consideration. Court proceedings can involve additional time, cost and emotional strain, which is why reaching an agreement outside court is generally preferable where that is possible and appropriate.
Where a court application is being considered, anyone contemplating this step should obtain advice about their individual circumstances and the relevant procedures in the Scottish courts.
Can Christmas Contact Arrangements Change From Year to Year?
Yes. What works for one family one year may not work as well the next.
Children grow older, routines change and parents' circumstances may also change.
One parent may move home, change jobs or enter a new relationship. New partners may also become part of the wider family picture. Children may develop their own social commitments or have different views about how they would like to spend the festive period.
For that reason, parents may find it helpful to review child contact over Christmas periodically rather than assuming that previous arrangements must always continue. The focus should remain on what is workable and appropriate for the children.
Frequently Asked Questions About Child Contact Over Christmas
Do separated parents have to split Christmas Day equally?
No. There is no requirement for separated parents to divide Christmas Day equally. Child contact arrangements should take account of the children's welfare and the practical circumstances of the family. For some families, splitting Christmas Day may work well. For others, alternating Christmas Day or spending longer periods with each parent may be more suitable.
Can we agree our own Christmas contact schedule?
Parents can often agree their own Christmas contact schedules where this is possible and appropriate. The arrangements might cover Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, New Year and the wider school holiday period. Recording what has been agreed, including handover times and travel arrangements, can help reduce the risk of misunderstandings.
What if we cannot agree who the children spend Christmas with?
If parents cannot agree, there are a number of possible options. These can include direct discussions, mediation, solicitor negotiations and, where necessary, a court application. The appropriate route will depend on the family's individual circumstances. Speaking to a solicitor can help parents understand the available legal options.
Can a mediator help with Christmas child contact?
For some families, yes. Family mediators can help parents discuss their concerns in a structured environment and explore possible arrangements. Mediation is intended to help parents reach their own agreement rather than having a decision imposed on them. It may not be appropriate in every case, particularly where there are welfare or safety concerns.
Should Christmas contact arrangements be included in a Parenting Plan?
Parents may choose to include holiday arrangements and Christmas contact within a Parenting Plan. This can help create clarity about issues such as where children will stay, collection arrangements, travel and communication with the other parent. Whether a Parenting Plan is appropriate will depend on the family's circumstances.
Can children have video or phone calls with the other parent at Christmas?
Parents may wish to agree video or phone calls where the children are spending part of the festive period with the other parent. This can help children remain connected with both parents, particularly where they will be apart for several days. The arrangements should remain practical and focused on the children's needs.
Planning Child Contact Over Christmas
Christmas can be a difficult time for separated families, particularly where both parents have strong feelings about how the festive period should be spent. Starting discussions early can make a significant difference.
Clear communication, practical planning and a willingness to consider the children's experience can help parents reach arrangements that provide greater certainty for everyone.
Where an agreement cannot be reached, support is available through negotiation, mediation and, where necessary, the courts.
Drummond Miller's experienced family law team can advise on Christmas contact arrangements, as well as wider family law matters.
Every family's circumstances are different, so the information in this article is general in nature. If you need advice about your own situation, speaking to one of our family solicitors can help you understand the options available to you.
To discuss child contact, separation or related family law matters, contact Drummond Miller on 0131 226 5151 or visit our Contact, Residence and Parental Rights and Responsibilities page.
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